Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: change, friends, growth, life, mistakes, personal growth, trust
Everyone makes mistakes, it’s life, we all are human
But who will stop to think about what they can fix within them
That I think, makeS the split of people who will grow
Looking within, seeing his sin, is when a true man starts to show
God knows how hard it is to say, “you’re right, I’m wrong, I’m sorry”
But oh, how liberating is the feeling to not think up a story
Belittling, a little, yes, but it reminds us so
That we are not and never will be perfect. That’s a show.
Always will there be the ones who have no time to see
Don’t know how, or have the strength to think why people leave
They never grow, never change into a person you can trust
For their mistakes are always yours, or they will break, so it’s a must.
But what they can not see, is the biggest fault of all
Their weakness not to look within holds them back, makes them fall.
Life will never change. Friends will always leave.
Without growth, what in life, can you possibly achieve?
Filed under: family, growing, life, memories, mother, strong, Uncategorized, writing | Tags: life, love, motherhood, Poetry, together, truth
Your fast asleep, beside me in in my hospital bed
I should sleep but I stay up and watch you instead
your eye lids flutter, so calm and so at peace
My baby girl, your the gift g-d gave to me
So now’s the time for me to promise you
That I’ll be there, whatever you go through
When you have tears and when you go though pain
I’ll dry your cheeks and guide you through the rain
I will teach you and I will watch you grow
We’ll laugh a lot but I’ll also tell you no
People will be people and sometimes they will leave
Your heart may break but you can lean on me
You’ll want your space, want to make your own mistakes
But please try and listen to what I have to say
For there is no one else, who loves you like I do
My whole life is making sure, that you will make it through
You’ll fall down,
You’ll be scared,
But you will learn to rise.
You’ll be strong,
You’ll grow up,
But daughter dear
Please, don’t forget this night.
Filed under: anorexia, becoming me, eating disorders, family, growing, health, life, loving yourself, mother, reading, strong, tests, truth, Uncategorized
It’s every party I go to. Every meal, every outing and almost eveytime I go out to eat somewhere. Mentions of diet, calories, fat and weight. The main obsession of the world. Yes, the percentage of obesity in America is extremely high and needs to be taken care of, but what about those of us who are not obese? There are some of us that would like to live a day without the topic of food coming up. I don’t disagree with putting awareness out there about nutrition, but where do we draw the line between awareness and obsession? Anywhere you go, there is either a sign or a comment about something you are about to put into your mouth. About 98% of the time, the information is false or the diet your hearing about is seriously unhealthy. Right from the age when you learn how to read or when you’re old enough to understand, you’re fed with myths and “tips how to get a sexy bikini body”.
Well, here’s a thought, what if I don’t care? What if I just want to be left alone about it? If someone is over weight, let them hear about it from their doctor. Why do we all have to be bombarded? These messages don’t get through to the people who need to hear it. It gets through to the people who are innocent and vulnerable. The sign that says, “Dont eat that!! You’ll get fat!! Eat this! 0 Calories!!” goes straight to young girls and boys heads. The truth is, something with 0 calories is probably not meant to be edible. Food is supposed have calories. Calorie means energy. Did you know that? Calorie does not mean fat.
The more the subject of diet is commercialized everywhere, the more everyone TALKS about it. And that’s because it becomes what everyone THINKS about. Did you ever think at the end of the week, “How many times did the subject of diet come up in conversations this week?” Sometimes, for me, I realised, it’s every day. At work, at home, in stores AND while I’m eating. I’ll never forget that time I was at a party. I eyed the pretty looking desert table and thought, “Thank G-D, I can finally live the day that I can treat myself.” Just before I got the chance to try a delicious looking chocolate, someone (I didn’t know) spoke behind me.
“OOOh! How I wish I could eat that!! It’s just that it’s so FATTening. A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.” She said with a wink and walked away.
“I feel bad for you.” I thought, rolling my eyes while stuffing the chocolate into my mouth.
If someone said that to me when I was 13, I wouldn’t have eaten the chocolate. I would have put it down and beat myself up for even thinking about eating it. It took me a long time of pain to get to where I am today. To be strong and know when someone is being stupid and rude. Most people don’t even realise when they speak about it. On and on and on. Even with my friends who are not stupid. Even with myself. It became a regular subject of conversation. But after, and sometimes even during, it annoys me. And it concerns me. We are better than that. And we have more important things to talk about.
Anyone in my family knows, any talk of diet in my house, is not allowed. At least we TRY. I will do what I can to give my daughter and my future children proper education and information on nutrition, true happiness and balance. Not only to tell them, but show them. I urge everyone to do the same:)
Filed under: Uncategorized
Pulled out an old diary recently and found this…
I took your hand
with all my trust
I thought it would be warm…
made me laugh
and thin at last…
that was a big mistake.
Your hand was cold
and very strong
you pulled me in your world
you held me tight
with all your might
it kinda felt alright.
when you let go
my bones were sore
I couldn’t even walk
but the more you seemed to squeeze me tight
the more I would grow large
and since u were my only friend
who “loved” me until no end
I would not give up…i will try hard
until I finally win.
you trained me hard
and held me down
from love I thought it came
finally you gave me “life”…
it was all some sort of game.
you let go, to see your art
the thing which you had made
skin and bones
no mind of its own.
you let your evil laugh out
with not even a little shame
Its funny….
That’s when I realised what you did
You stole all that’s in me
And now, when I want me back
I have to fight my “best friend” dead,
in order to be free
Filed under: Uncategorized
**********************
Try so hard to be the best
Even normal, whatever
To be loved and love the rest
Find the truth and last forever
Try so hard to do what’s right
But don’t know what, cuz all do wrong
Work for dreams where you see light
Live by words of favorite songs
Want so bad to be accepted
Find a place where you call home
Fear again to be rejected
But also want to be alone
We all are weird. We all have doubts
We cry, and we’re all crazy
We scream like girls inside or out
And time to time we all are lazy
You can’t fool me. I can’t fool you
We’re all different but the same
Relax. Enjoy and have fun too
Nothings perfect cuz nothings plain.
***************************
I’m not sure how to write this down
I guess I’ll follow with the sound
My soul is yearning to let free
I wonder what the words will be
A baby crying in the night
The mother lulling out the fright
My childself dancing in fields
And trying to hold up my shield
Two lovers feeling every beat
The breaking glass under his feet
And watching happiness in slow
And seeing everyday it grow
The snuggle feeling in my bed
At work I go there in my head
The feeling when the words form right
The feeling now, right here tonight
***********************
They always say the day will come
You’ll meet him and know he’s the one
But never could describe the feel
Of how the love feels when it is real
They never said my heart will fly
The happiness would make me cry
All the morals are the same
He wouldn’t play me like a game
It’s much too deep to be described
The time is G-D’s choice to decide
There’s only one who’s worth your time
Cuz only then your souls will bind
*********************
This is me
My scars are deep
My heart’s in constant guard
This is me
I tend to weep
When things can get real hard
This is me
An arcanum
Nobody seems to know
This is me
I’m liberated
From tests that were my foe
This is me
I may shed tears
But I stay smart and strong
I learn my way
Learn from the gray
And know G-d can’t do wrong
**********************
I’m not alone
When I’m alone
Only in the state of eyes
But be me in that state of bliss
Feel my state of happiness
I’m here in thought
And come the words
They know its safe
They feel state
So don’t you worry
I’m not alone
When I’m alone
****************
I know dear girl
Life seems to change
Not long ago
I was your age
You want to choose
The things you do
They’re all unfair
Controlling too
They say that’s wrong
And this is right
But not to you
Not how you site
Rules have reasons
Life has pain
The things you do
Can make a stain
But, suit yourself
Shut those you love
The things they teach
From G-D above
But when you fall
And your heart bleeds
They’ll all move on
And them you’ll need
************************
I’ll dance at night in streets alone
Or see the beauty in a stone
I’ll laugh at all the things you say
A laugh delayed, but that’s ok
My nose so cute and eyes so bright
I have my moods but that’s my right
I’m always in my world of thought
Which helps me learn and know a lot
For quite sometime I lost myself
I put my needs up on the shelf
So now its time to learn my way
To find my voice and have my say
**************************
Now I am alone, looking for a home
Somewhere new to call my own
New people come, old people go
My best friends evil starts to show
An unknown side of me is now revealing
Responsibilities can be so confusing
I seem to forget how to sleep
These worrying thoughts always speak
The money goes like a flowing river
Paying taxes makes me shiver
I’m used to my mother by my side
Although, if i could, I wouldn’t rewind
When things start to settle, and I do somethings right
When my days wont seem like it’s all one big fight
I’ll look at the troubles I strongly defeated
And know I’m a woman proudly completed
Filed under: autor, becoming me, growing, highschool, life, loving yourself, memories, not giving up, reading, strong, tests, Uncategorized, writing, writing a book | Tags: beauty, belonging, coming forward, freedom, fun, growing, growing up, happiness, humour, independance, life, love, memories, photography, reading, well being, writing
I am a horrible reader. I guess you can call it ADD. I usually read the first two lines of something and either think,”NEXT…” or, “Hmmm…go on…”. I don’t have the patience or time to read bad books, articles, posts or whatever it is. I’ve always wondered why it was so important for me to keep the books I actually finished in my life time(I’m sorry, Twilight was not one of them). Then, finally I realized, there are only so many good books in this world that can hold on to my attention. Those books are worth keeping. And for me, a trophy.
I finished my first book when I was 7. Until then, I would cry and scream while my tutor tried holding me down to read “just one line!”. In the library at school, they had a system. Books with the number “3″ on the side ment, they are on a higher level. In order to take those books out, you had to read to the librarian to prove you could, indeed, read.
I failed that test.
6 times.
I remember looking at the books with a yearning to take them home, because for some reason, they always had better pictures than the number “2″ or “1″ books.
When I finally got the hang of reading, I would read half a book and move on to the next.It took me a month to read a chapter of 5 pages. I never understood how people could take any book and curl up for hours, reading it, as if they are reading the answers to life. Until, I found one book that caught my interest. I still remember, “The Baby Sitters Club, Little Sister”. When I was done with the first book(which took me 2 days) I was on to the next book of the series. Eventually I read them so much, the thoughts in my head would sound just like how the author wrote. But, when I finished the series, it took me months to find something else. I didn’t know what it was I was looking for. What was it that made me love a book? Only until I got older, did I realize, it was a good writer.
Being such a picky reader my whole life, and only reading books in which the author wrote a certain way that pleased my likings, got me to the passion and style I write today. For, there are not enough books out there that grabs my attention, keeps me hanging for more and makes me yearn for yet, another book by the same author. So I write. I write and I write. I will write until, one day, I will have my own book published and will be able to say, “I started reading at 7. I failed “The Reading Test” 6 times and I have never been to highschool. But still, I got to where I am today.”
Filed under: life, memories, mother, New York, Uncategorized | Tags: america, americans, awareness, babies, body, Brooklyn, celebrities, family, fun, humour, life, memories, motherhood, New York, stupidity, world
You know you’re in New York when…
1) You walk into your baby’s room in the morning, and see her dancing to your neighbors reggae.
2) You’re getting chased down the street by a homeless man, pushing a cart full of garbage.
3) A cop says, “Baby, you’re under arrest for being way too damn sexy!”
4) There is a man peeing in the middle of the side-walk on 34th street, and no one seems to notice.
5) You hear your neighbor singing in the shower.
6) Homeless people are opening your garbage bags, searching for…ummm gold?
7) There is a two bedroom closet for rent-$2000 a month
8 ) A man just got hit by a car, and the driver is yelling at him to watch where he’s going.
9) There is a naked cowboy, walking around with a guitar.
10) You call 911 because you see a man with a gun, and the operator says, “and so…”
